I suddenly hear my favorite song, "Original Love," as it hovers over the sea. I know that is the call of my lover, Hai. I recognize his singing; he is waiting for me. He promises me, "Without you, I am nothing. I love you, Amy." Now, I know he asks me to go with him. I see him in the sea, my favorite sea. He gives me hope to seek my happy life, "Amy, come on, I am here. I have waited a long time for you." I smile as I see Hai smile.

        "My poor baby, Amy, you are thinner than before. Let me hug you. Come on!" It is my mother's voice.

        "Mom, where are you? I miss you so much." I hurry to ask.

        "I am here, baby. I know you suffered a lot. Don't worry, mom will protect you." I see her in the middle of the sea. I am impatient as I run to my mom ...

 

        I am not from a rich family; my parents struggle everyday to support us. I was the only hope for my parents. They hoped that I would go to a good university, get a good job, and have a good future. My father left us on my tenth birthday, May 1st 1992. It was a rainy day as he left with a strange woman. I hoped my father would return if I were accepted into a good university. He frequently told me I was his pride and last hope for success. My mother keened in the rain clutching herself in a fetal position. I stayed with her until she went back home. 

     The next day, when I got up, our house was a mess- empty wine bottles, cigarette ends, photos of my father, my mother and me- were all on the floor.

      My mother abandoned herself to alcohol and cigarettes after my father left. I was depressed over my inability to help her. I learned to smoke from my mother at this time.

       Years later, I discovered why my father left us: he had another wife. I realized he was a liar; he broke the dream that I was his hope. Susan, my mother, didn't like me to call her "mom" after my father left. I knew she had many boyfriends; she said goodbye to them outside the door; I saw them through the window. Her boyfriends disgusted me. All men were liars. All my clothes, tuition, shoes, Susan's make up, and the house were from Susan's boyfriends. I heard her sobbing every night because she missed and loved my father. She told me that, Lira, my father, made a promise he would love her until he died. However, it was not true. Lira loved another woman before he died.

        Susan continued to drink and smoke, and eventually developed a cough. Her cough worsened and she paled as time passed. Sometimes, I found her sputum with some blood in it. I discovered she had lung cancer when I found her doctor's letter in her purse. I cried all night as I hoped for Susan's recovery. I knew it was impossible.

       One day, I persuaded Susan to go to the seaside with me. My family used to go to the seaside before my father left us. My mother wore her beautiful clothes. I helped her to choose the blue high-heel shoes my father gave her. The shoes represented the love of Susan and Lira. I gave her my favorite necklace; it was composed of seventeen small blue tear shaped pearls. I helped her put on the necklace and she was so pleased. I was so happy because we had a good day on the seaside; we played games and enjoyed the sunshine. I told her to stand on the cliff because I wanted to have a photograph of her. When she smiled, I took her picture. ·Suddenly, she fell off the cliff and into the sea. "Mom, I love you, you won't feel pain anymore." I knew she was in the sea, our warm home. I hugged the picture and the broken heel of her shoe tightly. "Mom, don't be scared, your favorite shoes and my pearls are with you," I told her. The day she died was May 1^st, 1999, my seventeenth birthday.

     

       I hated my father because Susan's death was his fault. Susan loved my father very much. She yearned for my father to come back. I hoped they could be together forever. The next day, I told my father I would kill myself if he didn't come to the seaside. He actually came. I laughed and made him accompany my mother. Susan's dream was true at last because Lira could not leave my mother anymore.  

       How great I am!

 

      I knew Hai was the freshman dorm resident advisor and the president of Student Government. He was the first one to say, "I like your blue high-heel shoes." I could not forget the first time we met. "Can I help you," he asked, when I carried my luggage to the dorm. He wore a white shirt and black jeans. He carried my luggage even though I refused his help. "You are not alone. I can do anything for you." He smiled at me. His eyes gave me the same comfortable feeling I had with my mother. I knew he was the man of my life. Thank God, we met frequently as we shared many courses. I noticed what he wore every day, and watched every basketball game he played. I cared about whatever he said. He was the first boy to hug me and kiss me. I loved him very much that I quit smoking because he didn't like girls smoking.

      Hai loved me, too. He sent a blue watch on my eighteenth birthday and told me, "Without you, I am nothing. This watch means I will protect you until I die." Not since I was ten years was I so moved to tears. He let me know there was love.

       Months later, I got a strange disease that made me blind. Hai gave up his studying to take care of me and worked hard to pay for my medicine. Furthermore, he sold his blood to earn money for my medicine. In the hospital, we laid on the bed, listening to the song "Original Love" every night. The lyrics, "love between us is waiting for a thousand years," made me think of him. I believed he was the man I had been waiting for. After my recovery, we often went to the seaside where my parents died.

       However, after I told him the truth of my parents' death, he said, "You are absolutely mad. You killed your mother because you loved her? And you killed your father for what? You are crazy! You make me feel scared. I can't get along with a dangerous person like you." After he said this, he left me. I didn't cry because I knew I was not crazy. What I did was to help my mother find freedom and to be with my father again. My father was the original murderer, not me.

       Six months later, I saw Hai with a new girlfriend. I could not stand another girl around him. I begged him to come back to me. I was sure he still loved me. He just wanted to make me envious over his new girl. "Hai, you know, I will be dying without you, and you promised me that you would love me forever. You are a liar," I cried to him. I saw his eyes fill with tears.

         "Amy, I am so sorry, I can't accept that you murdered your own parents. You are mad now, do you know that? Please, find another man who loves you."

        He abandoned me. He was a liar. "No, it is not true. You are telling a lie." I tried my best not to make sense of what he said.

        "Amy, please, let me have my own life. I am getting married soon," Hai said. He will be married? No, it can't be true. I should be his bride.

        Yes, he wanted to give me a surprise. His hope was to marry me one day. My thoughts were racing through my head as I exclaimed, "Hai, I won't disappoint you. I will be the most beautiful bride. I will make you so proud of me. Please wait for me."

        I sent Hai a message telling him I was pregnant and to meet me at the seaside on my twentieth birthday, May 1^st, 2002. I wanted to give him a big surprise; I could not wait to tell him I would marry him. I put on the white wedding gown, ordered by Hai and me one year before. He told me I would be the most beautiful bride in the world, and he bought the white gown for me when we went to the bridal shop. Standing in front of the mirror, eyebrows like willow leaves; eyes, how charming they are; beautiful mouth; all of these were admired by Hai. I wore the same type of blue high-heeled shoes as my mother's. I wore the necklace and watch which Hai gave me. I put away all of the pictures that I had of my mother, Hai and myself. "Mom, your daughter will marry today," I spoke to the sky, "Are you happy?" I hoped we would have many children. Who would my child look like? Would he/she look like Hai or me?

         When Hai saw me standing on the cliff, he was surprised, "What are you doing? Amy, why are you wearing this? Are you ok? I am very worried about you."

       "Hai, see, blue watch and necklace, white gown, you gave these to me. We are marrying soon, are you happy?"

       "Amy, please don't be like this, I will get married tomorrow, and this is the letter I wrote to you. I should go right now," my Hai told me.

      "Can I hug you for a while, just a while," I asked him. He accepted and I hugged him tightly. I would not let anyone own my Hai, "You belong to me, I will love you forever." I pushed him off the cliff into the sea, as I did to my mother.

       He joined my family into my favorite sea. I had never been so happy. "My hope, my life, everything will be well as long as I have you, Hai." I opened the letter. It reads, "Amy, when I saw your eyes, they were full of melancholy. I know I want to protect you forever. I am so sorry to lie to you. I won't leave you because you killed your parents. I do love you, but I have AIDS. When I .sold my blood to pay for your medicine, they used an unclean needle. I hoped I could marry you; I hoped we could live happily. Now, I hope you achieve happiness; I hope you find a healthy man to love you forever. My life is not long, and I don't want to hurt you so I lied to you ... "

 

I am so happy because Hai still loves me. "Hai, wait for me. I am coming. I won't let you feel lonely." My hope is to marry Hai. I hope my mother will live with my father forever. They will see I am marrying Hai soon. "Mom, Hai," I call them as I walk into the sea.