Marriage is the bedrock of the family; it is the bonding of two souls. At the time human beings came to this world, God created females and males. God also created the marriage and generations. Countries created marriage customs to govern the relationship between males and females as they try to live together. However, different cultures have different rules of marriage. Learning the woman's rights of the marriage customs of India and America helps me understand more about my own culture.

        The Indian woman is inferior in the marriage because the male has higher status than the female. A patriarchal system exists in Indian life. The woman should be a virgin before she marries; if not, she will be punished or even killed by the society or family. The man doesn't need to follow that principle. A married woman's position and her family's position are tied to her husband. Inequalities between sexes and occupations are normally accepted. For instance by law, a husband may rent his wife to live with others to earn money. Woman can't get respect until they birth boys in their husbands' families. The woman's role is "slave" for her husband after she is married. The woman takes care of everything inside her household, including the family's health, the children's education and a parent's needs. Also, women are not allowed to visit their own parents' home after they are married (Desai).

         In America, women are equal to men in the marriage. It is common for a single women to head families and unmarried women to give birth to babies. The American "nuclear family" consists of a working father, a homemaker-mother or a mother who works outside the home, and children. It doesn't matter if the woman gives birth to a girl or boy, and she can choose to have no children (Marty). These women won't be killed as in India. Also, American society promotes monogamy and "until death do us part." The woman and man sustain the family expenses and rear children together. The couple shares property together; the woman is free to visit her parents after she has married. Marriage needs a permanent loving relationship between the couple and a loving relationship between the parents and the children. All states require a "Marriage License" and some require a blood test. Also there is a contract which protects the woman's rights under the law. The man will get a heavy punishment if he beats or kills his wife. Furthermore, the woman won't be killed if she is not a virgin at the time of marriage (Marriage). All in all, a married woman's life in America has much more freedom and rights than a married woman's life in India.

          In India, a woman's marriage is "arranged" by parents or relatives. "Forced marriage" and "childhood marriage" are two types of arranged marriage in India. "Forced marriage" means the parents choose their daughter's future spouse without her suggestions. Occasionally, even if the girl disagrees with the choice, the parents won't regard her suggestion. The parents might threaten the child with punishment to ensure she agrees. In another type, "childhood marriage," children, or even infants, are married. For instance, a thirty-year-old man can marry a ten-year-old woman. The married children still live with their own parents until they reach puberty. The "arranged marriage" for those women means they may never know or meet the future spouses until the wedding day. Sometimes the arranged marriage is to increase economic wealth or follow the rules of the culture or religion (Arranged marriage).

        However, in America, there is no arranged marriage. The American woman regards marriage as the combination of love from the bride's and groom's soul. The woman's marriage will happen when she has found somebody she believes that she can share her life with. Their marriage is decided by the bride and groom. It is not necessary for the marriage to enhance their family business or be influenced by family. Also, they can date before they are married (United States). Love between the couple is the basis of the American marriage.

        In India, the bride's parents bear the most of the wedding expenses and pay a dowry to the groom's family. That dowry is shared by all of the groom's family (Desai).The dowry means a gift must to be paid as a precondition for the marriage. In Indian marriage custom, the dowry traditionally represents her share of her parent's wealth. The ceremony is held in the bride's home; the groom's relatives and his friends come to congratulate the couple. These people don't take gifts to the new couple; they get some gifts from the bride's family instead. The woman's family loses a lot of property when their girl marries; the groom's family gets a large amount of property. The bride's family pays different amounts of dowry in different castes. If the dowry is not high, the man can refuse her. The higher the dowry the bride's family pays, the better status the bride can get in her husband's family. Some girls commit suicide as the result of the groom's family's poor treatment and pressure because they don't pay a high dowry. A dowry is considered one of the chief reasons for female infanticide in India (Dowry).

        However, such brutal things do not happen to American brides. There is a wedding reception which is a celebration held for all family and friends. The bride's family usually provides for this celebration. The family doesn't need to give every attendee a gift. Usually, the man proposes the marriage. If the woman accepts his proposal, they will become engaged. The man will give a ring to the woman as a gift. Contrasting to India, the American woman and her family offer no dowry to the groom's family (Marriage). Also, the new couple will get gifts and cash from their friends and family (United States).

        During the wedding, there are various rituals and customs for woman to do in India. A day before the wedding, the bride, her friends and female relatives gather for the ceremony of Mehendi, in which their palms and feet are decorated with henna. She will use "Mehendi," which is a picture the girl draws on her hands and feet. The more beautiful the picture, the more the groom will love the bride. The bride is teased with music and dance by the other women about her future husband and in-laws. On the wedding morning, the bride puts turmeric, wood sandal, and oil on her face and arms before the bath. The bride wears saris usually in shades of white, red, pink. Red and pink represent living with riches and fertility. White represents that the bride is a virgin. A bride wears as much traditional jewelry as her family can give. Necklaces, earrings, bangles, rings, a nose-ring, anklets, and toe-rings are worn by most brides. The bride's hair combs into a pigtail and put some oil on it. Also she wears beautiful shoes with small heels and decorated with beads, stones or colorful straps. She applies henna to make her nails red. After the woman's preparation, the groom rides a white horse to come to the wedding (Vivaha).

         A woman does some rituals during her marriage III America, too. There is a "Marriage Rehearsal Dinner," which is celebrated between the bride's family and groom's family in the late afternoon the day before the wedding. The difference from India is the cost of the celebration dinner is provided by the groom's family. On the day of the wedding, the bride usually wears a white dress and white wedding veil. The veil hides her face, especially the eyes. The white of the wedding dress represents the bride is a virgin. "Marry in white, you will do right." Throwing of the bride's bouquet is good luck for the bride, and one of her friends who catches it will be married next. The bride exchanges a ring with the groom on the wedding day. And there is a honeymoon for a new couple. The bride and groom go to a secret place for their first night together in marriage (Marriage)

        Learning other countries' marriage customs helps me understand more about my own country. If, as a female, were to live in India, I might have children now instead of studying. The inferior status, high dowry, and complex preparation make me almost crazy. The American woman is so lucky; she has much more freedom in her own marriage. Also, in my country, China, marriage for woman is better than in India. Usually, the groom pays a bride and bride's family many gifts to please the bride. The Chinese traditional marriage follows these steps: proposing, the male often does this job; birthday matching according to Chinese astrology, the birthday matching decides the new couple's will have conflicts in future or not; then the man's family will send some gifts to the female's family; the engagement is chosen by both families; both families will pick a wedding a date. The date is very important, because good date can give family fortunes and fertility. The last step is a wedding ceremony, the bride wears red, red represents fortunes and love.

       All in all, in China, the bride's family can get many gifts from the groom's family. However, we are not as free as American couples because the traditional marriage is "arranged." I can feel the freedom the American woman has, and if I have a chance, I will get my marriage in America. No matter what the marriage custom is, whatever the race is, all women in the world should have a common right: to choose a man who loves her to marry .

Work cited

 

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Desai, Manisha. "India: Women's Family and Sexuality" The Greenwood Encyclopedia of Women's Issues Worldwide Daily Life Online.

      2006 Greenwood Publishing Group. 14 Feb. 2008 <http://daily1ife.greenwood.com/d1e.jsp?k=4&x=GR2087 &p=GR2087 -1417>

 

"Dowry Law in India," Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Updated, 15 Feb, 2008. 18^th, 2008. 

       <http:en.wikipedia.org/wiki/dowry_law_in_india>

 

"Marriage and Weddings," Wedding Updated February 24,2008. Feb 25^th, 2008.

       <http://www.americanfamilytraditions.com/weddings.htm>

 

Marty, Myron A. "Family Changes Continue," from Daily Life in the United States, 1960-1990: Decades of Discord. Greenwood Daily Life

        Online~ 2006  Greenwood     Publishing Group. 14 February 2008 < http://dailylife.greenwood.com/dle.jsp?k=2&x=24$p=19-1>

 

United States Wedding Traditions, World Wedding Tradition.com , Updated Feb 19^th, 2008. Feb 20, 2008.

        http://www.worldweddingtradtions.com/locations/north _american_traditions united states traditions.html